Letter to Pets

29 05 2009

Firstly, a Welcome to the newest member of our family.  Today, Mum got herself a new lifetime friend, she rescued a beautiful grey and white cat from the RSPCA.  The very same one that my dog Dolce came from.

So far, we don’t have a name for him, but Buddy has been a temporary one for the moment, but we’re still brainstorming.  What I will say though is that he’s a lover.  He’s all about purrs, cuddles, headbutts and all manner of smooching.  He’s very much aware of the fact that he’s been saved, and his fortunes have changed, and that he’s in a new home and is very grateful.  As I told Mum this afternoon, she’s lucky I live in Seattle now.  If I lived locally I’d keep him for myself.  He’s beautiful, and has already joined me of his own volition for a nap earlier today.

Moving on, but staying on the topic of pets, here’s an email that I thought amusing enough to share.

Enjoy.

Letter to the Pets – To be posted VERY  LOW on the refrigerator door – nose height.

Dear Dogs and  Cats,
The  dishes with the paw print are yours and contain your food. The other  dishes are mine and contain my food. Please note, placing a paw print in  the middle of my plate and food does not stake a claim for it becoming  your food and dish, nor do I find that aesthetically pleasing in the  slightest.
The stairway was not designed by NASCAR and is not  a racetrack.  Beating me to the bottom is  not the object. Tripping me doesn’t help because I fall faster than you  can run.
I cannot buy anything bigger than a king-sized bed. I am very  sorry about this. Do not think I will continue sleeping on the  couch  to ensure your comfort. Dogs and cats can actually curl up in a ball when  they sleep. It is not necessary to sleep perpendicular to each other  stretched out to the fullest extent possible. I also know that sticking  tails straight out and having tongues hanging out the other end to  maximize space is nothing but sarcasm.
For the last time, there is  not a secret exit from the bathroom. If by some miracle I beat you there  and manage to get the door shut, it is not necessary to claw, whine, meow,  try to turn the knob or get your paw under the edge and try to pull the  door open. I must exit through the same door I entered. Also, I have been  using the bathroom for years — canine or feline attendance is not  required.
The proper order is kiss me, then go smell the  other dog or cat’s butt. I cannot stress this enough!
To pacify  you, my dear pets, I have posted the following message on our front  door:
To All Non-Pet Owners  Who Visit & Like to Complain About Our Pets:  
1. They live here. You don’t.
2. If you don’t want their hair  on your clothes, stay off the furniture. (That’s why they call it  "fur"niture.)
3. I like my pets a lot better than I like most people .
4. To you, it’s an animal. To me, he/she is an adopted son/daughter  who is short, hairy, walks on all fours and doesn’t speak  clearly.
Remember:  Dogs and cats are better than kids because they:
1. Eat less
2.  Don’t ask for money all the time
3 Are easier to  train ( except Terriers and Shih-Tzus)
4.  Normally come when called
5. Never ask to drive the car
6. Don’t  hang out with drug-using friends
7. Don’t smoke or drink
8. Don’t  have to buy the latest fashions
9. Don’t want to wear your clothes  
10. Don’t need a ga-zillion dollars for college, and…
11. If they  get pregnant, you can sell their children.

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One response

30 05 2009
Tyroga

love, love, love it. That is one cool letter. Can I get two copies? One in cat and one in dog. With particular attention to the sleeping arrangements portion. 😛

David would love a cuddly cat, instead he has Perry.

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