At a loss for words

15 06 2009

Back in Australia it’s June 16th today.  A fact that had slipped my mind temporarily as it’s June 15th here in Washington.  Mum reminded me today when we were talking, when she pointed out that today (in Australia) it’s a month since Dad died.

I can honestly still remember every last detail from the moment I received the phone call telling me to “Come home now”, and all the events leading up to and after my arrival back in Melbourne.  It took just under 24 hours, those 24 hours were hell though, and here I am a month later back on the other side of the world.

I feel numb.  Even though I was there, with Mum, right up until he drew his last breath, it just doesn’t feel real.

I’ve accepted the events, and life in his absence has resumed, but there’s an intangible hole, and I feel like I’m treading around it’s edges.  I can’t see it, but I can feel it.

In the past writing was cathartic, not so much this time.  Several people today have asked me about the events, they meant well, I just can’t, or am not ready to discuss them.  Perhaps in time.

Time.  There’s never enough, and sometimes there’s too much.