You know you’re from Melbourne if…

24 11 2009

I’m from Melbourne, and when Mark forwarded me the link for this article I had to laugh.  That being said I didn’t understand everything, so it’s not entirely accurate, and I take offense at the Ringwood-Frankston FWY aka Eastlink.   I’m from Frankston, we’re not all bad! 😉

Read it for yourself, if you’re from Melbourne you may just get a laugh, if you’re not, well hopefully you’ll get a laugh too.

You know you’re from Melbourne if…

YOU know you’re from Melbourne if (part II) …

■ You think the Queen Vic Market opening hours are normal.

■ The sight of kids in pyjamas, dressing gowns and slippers in the street makes you immediately think of the Myer Christmas windows.

■ You’re more impressed by someone telling you they’re a barista than a barrister.

■ You subscribe to The Monthly but don’t read it, only buy The Big Issue if people are watching and have a RRR sticker on your car but you’ve been listening to the ABC since you moved out of share-houses.

■ You’ve read The Slap and hate every character in it. But they remind you of your friends.

■ You would have slapped the kid too.

■ You own a tagine, a poffertje iron and a pasta maker. And have never used any of them.

■ You haven’t paid for a ticket on tram in 10 years but you’d pay double if they reintroduced connies.

■ Your three favourite words are: ”Tullamarine, thanks driver.”

■ The last place you’d go for pizza is Lygon Street.

■ You don’t mind graffiti as long as it’s spelt correctly and uses appropriate grammar while sticking it to the man – and is written by a woman.

■ You’ve stepped on an ”emo” walking into Flinders Street station while you were both texting.

■ Whelan the Wrecker, Harry the Hirer, Peter the Possum Man, The Tint Professor, The Dashboard Doctor, The Swagman and Stephanie Alexander all seem like members of the family.

■ You feel sorry for Geelong.

■ Laneways full of people sitting on milk crates eating breakfast at 3pm seems normal.

■ You’ve lived in London, been to conferences in Paris, holidayed in Rome and know New York like the back of your hand, but you’ve never seen the penguins at Phillip Island.

■ You can sing the jingle for Car City.

■ You think a massage with a happy ending means when you’re finished they give you a cafe latte and a Readings voucher.

■ The fact there’s a Chardonnay Crescent and Champagne Road in Chirnside Park reinforces your suspicion that Kath and Kim is a documentary.

■ You hope the Southern Star wheel never gets fixed because if it stays broken we can call it an installation.

■ You take Japanese students to the Coburg drive-in for the cultural experience.

■ Your husband wears a sarong, is in a book group and uses moisturiser. But you call him your partner, because you’re not married or you don’t want people to think you are.

■ Your wife grows the hair under her arms but waxes elsewhere. Partner. Whatever.

■ South Melbourne Market means only one thing: giant chicken dim sims.

■ You know Richmond’s postcode is 3121. And Channel Nine’s address is 22 Bendigo Street.

■ You hate it when they shoot a car chase in Melbourne and Sydney and the editing jumps between the two cities. Like we won’t notice.

■ The Ringwood-Frankston bypass. Do we really want to encourage these people to breed?

■ You’ve never solved the mystery of how WEG always correctly predicted who would win the grand final when he drew his grand final souvenir poster.

■ You have a friend in a band. Or who says they’re in a band.

■ You know the difference between Carlton and North Carlton, Heidelberg and West Heidelberg and Malvern and East Malvern is about $120,000.

■ You know drunk women wearing fascinators staggering around the city with their shoes slung over their shoulder means Oaks day has turned into Dog Day Afternoon.

■ Your favourite joke is Pakenham Upper.

■ You love that only Melbourne people will get this quiz.

Catherine Deveny will be signing copies of her new book Free to a Good Home at Readings Carlton on Friday, November 27 2009, at 1pm.



One response

25 11 2009

LMAO. Seems I just need a poffertje iron?

> You know Richmond’s postcode is 3121. And Channel Nine’s address is 22 Bendigo Street.

How true is this?!

Leave a Reply

Fill in your details below or click an icon to log in: Logo

You are commenting using your account. Log Out /  Change )

Google photo

You are commenting using your Google account. Log Out /  Change )

Twitter picture

You are commenting using your Twitter account. Log Out /  Change )

Facebook photo

You are commenting using your Facebook account. Log Out /  Change )

Connecting to %s

%d bloggers like this: