There’ll be nun of that thankyou!

21 02 2019

This is my first foray back into creative writing in many years.

I’m quite proud of it given I wrote it while sitting on the edge of a bed in a live-in rehabilitation facility that I’m in whilst I recover from a stroke and brain hemorrhage

The bones of the story came from s very old joke I’d heard many years ago but remembered yesterday…

-An old joke that came back to me yesterday.
2 nuns are driving home late at night from midnight mass. The road is dark and bordered by overhanging trees, so very definitely creepy!! The nun in the passenger seat is nervous and her nervousness is making the nun driving somewhat anxious and jumpy.
The passenger nun quietly starts playing with her rosary and crucifix in an effort to settle her nerves, when suddenly theres a *thud*and the scariest vampire you could ever begin to imagine lands on the car bonnet crouched down, all windswept, interesting(and just generally Hollywood fabulous) but inherently evil. His eyes are aglow in a shade of red attributable only to the darkest recesses of hell. His fangs are bared and he’s hissing rabidly at the nuns who have both let out a scream and a small squirt of pee. As you would… the nervous nun in the passenger seat dissolves in a panic accidentally breaking the string of her rosary. So now along with the sound of hissing theres the forlorn sound of beads rolling off her lap onto the car floor and clicking as they roll around.. as if the atmosphere isn’t terrible enough. Theres a distinct smell of ammonia permeating the air.
The already on edge nun who is driving is white knuckling the steering wheel land muttering every prayer she can muster under her breath whilst quietly and somewhat un-nun like hoping the vampire takes her panicked travel companion first. The vampire must have heard her or read her mind. They be tricksy creatures those vampires. And he starts edging towards the passenger nun who explodes afresh in panic in a vision somewhat akin to what you’d imagine 50 crows stuffed into a shoebox would look like and is screaming at the driver “!for God’s sake! Show him you’re cross. Show him your cross!!!!
By now shes beyond cross, she’s livid!
So to the repetitive scream of “show him your cross
“She winds down her window looks the Vampire dead in the eye and yells “GET THE FUCK OFF MY CAR”!!!!!!!-