Running In Treacle

Going nowhere fast, that’s how it feels.  Enormous effort, for minimal gain, and just another day in paradise.

Cryptic?  Yes, but who knows I certainly don’t have answers.

Just one of those days where you want to scream I guess.

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Don’t hold your breath

It really has been a strange and often tedious week.

In summation, let’s just say I’m absolutely, positively, completely over people making promises and not coming through, not returning calls, essentially not meeting basic expectations, and generally expectations that they set themselves.

Sure, things come up, but be accountable, let people know.

I’ve smiled, been gracious, and even joked that had I been holding my breath, I’d be blue in the face waiting for follow through.  Now it’s Friday, and enough is enough.

I do believe there’ll be a whole lot of culling going on, figuratively speaking.  I’ve mentioned before my thoughts on Prison Orange…

One sided relationships of any kind are no longer, desired, needed or required.  I may have a lot of free time on my hands, but energy I do not have in surplus.

There’s a whole lot of clearing out going to happen over the weekend, whether it be emotionally, Contacts or Calendar, it’s time for a reset.

So here it is, in writing.  I’m renowned for being the one that remembers birthdays, anniversaries.  The go to guy for a shoulder to cry on, advice, chauffeuring, trailer towing, having a car with space enough to cart things, and other sundry items.

Yes, sure, not a problem, are going to be a lot less prevalent in my responses from now on.
I may not have the world’s busiest calendar, but I do believe it’s time to make it a whole lot less busy.
This Go To Guy’s advice is, go somewhere else.

Tomorrow’s a new day, and I’m starting out fresh, less maintenance and upkeep on the social front is in order.

Hooroo!

One of THOSE days

You know the kind of day where everything just seems slightly off kilter, wrong, and that the effort just all seems to much?

Today was one of those days.

I’ve just not been my normal happy bubbly self today, and quite frankly am a bit over it all.

Things have to change here, and I’m well aware of the fact that the only person who can change them is me.

So here’s hoping that tomorrow is a better day.

Nite.

To hate, or not to hate…

… that is the question.

Chaos reigns supreme in our house.

Some of you may know, most of you won’t…  Several weeks ago we received notice that our television that we’ve enjoyed for several years was being recalled due to a possible fire hazard.

Scary huh!?  Let me quickly point out that about 3 years ago while watching it, it made a very high pitched (almost dog whistle high) whine, and shocked me from 2m / 6ft away.  Nothing major, but like a big static zap that set my hair slightly on end, and then went completely black.  At the time the company we bought it from sent someone out to replace a part and it’s run beautifully ever since.

My thoughts…  Perhaps that happened to a few other people, hence the recall.  Anyway, I digress.

We shipped this television all the way from Australia to America, shopped around to find a step-up transformer to run it (American power is 110v and Australian is 240v), and have been getting on with our lives.  Until the recall.

Mark contacted the manufacturer, who shipped us a replacement television all the way from Germany to America, and we sent our old one back.  Pretty cool when you consider the television is a good 5-6 years old.  We agree, it is pretty cool, not totally though.  You see, we also bought the matching television stand with built in sub-woofer for the original television, and DVD and VCR players too.  None of them now work with the new television, and the stand is completely redundant.  It doesn’t fit any of the new televisions, and it’s a completely different colour.  Our old television was black, the new one is a pale grey.

I might be looking a gift horse in the mouth, but that’s a couple of thousand dollars of equipment that we can no longer use, all because of a equipment recall that was not our fault.  Mark even contacted the manufacturer again, their response was pretty much “tough, sell the stand on eBay”.

In my view that’s not good enough…  We found a different stand, one that was from the same company, but it was over $2000 worth.  So that idea was quickly knocked on the head.

Loewe, I applaud you for your efforts to replace our television, but your lack of interest or concern in the additional inconveniences your company have caused us have pretty much ensured that in the future we’ll look elsewhere for electrical appliances.

We recently found an much cheaper alternative to replace the old television stand, although we no longer have a sub-woofer, but we’re moving on with out lives.

Right now as I type this, Mark is working his way through dozens, if not thousands of cables wiring everything back up.  A totally nightmarish job, but I put the unit together and spent the next 30 minutes measuring up the glass panels to ensure they were all precisely placed so as to be able to support the weight of the components.  A job that was much more tedious (in my mind) than plugging in a few game consoles, which incidentally Mark HAD TO HAVE, so it’s only fair he plugs them in.  Besides I do all the hard stuff like moving things back into place because they’re too heavy for Mark. 😉

I reckon it’ll be another hour before we can settle back on the couch and watch The Queen and Notes on a Scandal.

Should be good, and it’ll be nice to have the lounge room back in an acceptable position after everything be temporarily out of place while we searched for the new stand.

Time to go, we’ve the rest of Sunday to enjoy.

Hooroo!

Robbed!

Here I am, in my first week of being a “Trophy Husband” as per Gabrielle Solis on Desperate Housewives, and the gardener is outside the apartment mowing the lawns.

Until a moment ago I hadn’t seen him.

I have now, and the fantasy has been shattered. I’m sure he’s a really nice guy, but ‘John the Gardener’ he’s not.

Another bubble burst by reality!

At least the lawns look nice now.  *grin*

If you’re reading this…

You know who you are, and despite everyones ongoing patience you spit in their faces.
You have issues.  I’ll give you the benefit of the doubt and blame them on your addiction.

I know by writing this I’ll only become the target again of your vicious attacks of verbal and written poison and other threats, but if it makes you feel better to try and belittle others, by all means go for it.
The only one you’re hurting is yourself.

It’s called alienation, and in your case you’re your own worst enemy.  People will only tolerate being insulted and pushed away for so long.  Even the people you claim you still have are aware of what is going on.

Regardless, we’re still here for you, whether or not its deserved.  Even actions as despicable as yours can be forgiven.

For now though, you’ve made my departure that much easier, there’s one less person to miss or be upset about leaving.  This realisation hurts, but you know what?  It’s just not all about you, as much as you’d like to believe that it is.

I had a gift for you, something I knew you would like, and have to remember me by, I was looking forward to giving it to you.  That has changed, all I have left for you is pity.

You have so much to offer, and so much potential, its just a tragic and disappointing waste.  I was just getting to know you again, and initially it was an exciting prospect, but the poison I discovered is just not worth the effort.

I wish you all the best, and I really hope you beat this and become the person I remember and love, until then, this is goodbye.

I just hope there’s enough left of the person I know, and miss, left inside to realise this is not an attack, but I’m realistic enough to know that the chance of that occurring is slim at best.

This sucks!

This morning I found out that I very probably won’t be seeing a couple of people that I consider to be close friends again.  This news hurts.
I do understand their reasons, but I don’t have to like them.
If I can move on, why can’t they?

All I know is that I feel like I’m being punished for someone elses actions.

Just know, I don’t hold any ill feeling towards either of you, you did the right thing, I respect you for it, and you shouldn’t feel guilty that this has been the outcome.  It was terrible news, and if I was to hear it from anyone, I’m glad it was from people I love and trust.

There just isn’t the time.  It’s 3 weeks today that I leave the country.  Time may heal all wounds, but time is a luxury I don’t have.  You will always be welcome in my home, I just hope that in the future things can be different.

I will miss you both terribly, I already do.  THIS SUCKS and I really just want to cry!

Unconsidered actions…

Here I am, it’s nearly 3am and it’s a little over a week since my world was turned upside down.
This time last week, I was awake too, emotionally destroyed, soul searching, and screaming internally “WHY?!”

The actions of one person, have managed to destroy or tarnish so much.
There was no consideration, no explanation and now I’m left to deal with the flow on effects.

I’ve made the undertaking to continue, and to move forward from a more educated position, the communication lines are now open.  Honesty is paramount.
Betray me again and I promise you, here and now in writing, I will not respond in such a measured, controlled or calm manner.

The information of the past week has nearly destroyed me, I can’t and will not tolerate it again.  The task now is to salvage as much as is possible, and to hope that those who were hurt from those unconsidered actions recover.

I’m about to head back to bed now.  I’m exhausted, the week has really caught up with me.

Aside from my family, my friends are dear to me, and two in particular have been hurt and are also reeling, I just hope that there has been no irreparable damage done.  I miss them, and want them back, wholly and unconditionally.  As I go back to bed for some much needed rest, the primary thought on my mind will be:

“Please <Insert Divinity Here>, don’t let the unconsidered actions of another destroy this friendship, and please give me the strength to accept and forgive”.

Enough!

Sunday, and I’ve had a little less than 3 hours sleep.

The prognosis is already shakey.

Many hours were spent last night talking, I think I finally know all there is to know, that I have finally heard the truth.  It doesn’t really make me any happier, but at least now I believe I have a semi-tangible place to start off from.
My own decision surprises me, especially given the advice I would usually give someone in my current position.

I only ask a few things.

• that YOU are being honest now
• that friends, family, anyone for that matter, respect my decision.  It wasn’t made lightly, and if by a cruel twist I’ve made the wrong one, please don’t come up with “I told you so” or any other similar comments
• don’t make me choose between people
• <insert other items here as required>

I’m struggling, I’m tired, and I’ve just had another bomb shell dropped on me.  This one I can’t avoid, once again I’ve been called on to be there for someone, and I believe there’ll even have to be some form of intervention.
It’s the last thing I want right now, but this is unavoidable.  So again I’m going to have to shelve my own feelings and crushed emotions, power up shields and take another one on.  Only thing is, that this time, this may be even more painful than what I’m currently going through, and the fall out may be far greater.

When the sounds of yourself crying are strange and unrecognisable you know it’s been a long time between sobs.  It has been, a very long time, it’s not that I’ve never been sad, I’ve just never cried.
I have now, only very briefly, but my chest heaved, my voice choked, these were soul and lung wracking sobs.

A wise and dear friend recently told me that the sooner the healing begins the lesser the chance of a scar.

For my personal issues… I want a scar, there needs to be a visual reminder so that it never happens again, for the new deluge…  I just don’t know what to do.

30 days and my world is crumbling.