Day 10 – Master Cleanse Retirement

Well, I’ve decided I’m finished.  The program has worked well for me as far as a cleanse, but as far as a healthy eating plan it’s not maintainable.

So I’ve retired it and will resume or commence a more healthy eating plan, which in line with getting back into a regular gym routine will be just what the Doctor (or me) ordered.

Moving along though…

We spent the afternoon out in the garden today.  All the dead blackberries kindly left for us by the previous owners are gone.  Despite them being a tangled mess and nearly as tall as me, they’re all gone, and the gardens have been raked of all the old decomposing leaves from last season (again, left by the previous owners, they were supposed to removed so as not to kill the lawns so they blew them onto the gardens! grr!) and the old tan bark is gone too.  Now all I have to do is remove the last of the branches from the backyard and the leaves (also left from the previous owners!!!) and then I can send the huge bin back and be free of it.

Speaking of the huge bin.  We’ve had a lot of rain lately, and it has no drain holes, so it’s filled with water.  Annoyingly, because it also has several loads of grass clippings and other garden matter in there, its started to smell.  Yuck!  To combat it, I pulled out my drill and put a nice big hole in the front to let it drain, which it’s been doing for several hours now.

If you’ve ever been to a cemetary and smelt the water in the flower receptacles when you change it to put fresh water and flowers in (and trust me, if you’ve smelt it, you’ll know what I’m talking about), that’s what the water that started gushing from the bin smelt like.  Sadly that same smell sat over the entire front yard like an invisible cloud, and probably still smells now as it’s probably still draining.  The neighbours are going to love me!

I’ll have to hose the ground down tomorrow to clean it all up.  The work here is neverending.

G’night and happy weekend!

Day 9 – Master Cleanse and Nothing to Scratch at!

Finally no itching today, and I couldn’t be happier.

I’m pretty much into the final stretch now, and while it’s been great, and I may even do it again in the future, it’s not the most practical of programs, at least not for me.

I’m certainly going to look forward to returning to a more solid diet, and more importantly returning to more frequent gym visits, they’re just too hard to maintain on such a low calorie diet.

As for today, it’s been a quiet one.  The weather is grey, it’s rained most of the day so I’ve been unable to work in the garden.  So it’s been an indoors chore day, and the evening is going to consist of doing all the ironing.  How excitement! 😐

At least it’s Friday and the weekend is here! 🙂

Day 8 – Master Cleanse and Still Itchy

That was, I was itchy until I took an antihistamine tablet this morning.  That may in effect derail the whole idea of a detox anyway, but when faced with the possibility that I’m going to scratch myself into the ground, it’s an avenue that seems acceptable.

Otherwise things are going well.  I’ve altered the program a little to better suit my needs, and that is to eat every couple of days and abstain from the lemonade mix.  It’s not kosher according to the plan, but it works for me.  Otherwise I spend the whole day feeling hungry, with low energy, and that’s unacceptable.

So I’ve taken a few liberties.

In other news, tonight was bowling night, and usually by this stage of the evening we’re still bowling, at least until 9.30pm, and yet, it’s 9.08pm as I type this, and I’m already home, showered, in my pj’s and blogging.  You just have to love an early finish.  The icing on top was that we also won.  That was probably due to the other team only having 2 players to our 3.  😉

Time for the couch now though.  An early night home from bowling demands a comfortable evening in front of the television.

Hooroo!

Day 7 – Master Cleanse – Itchy Again!

I’m guessing because I skipped a day and then got back on the plan that that’s why the itching has returned.  Dammit!

If only I had remembered that part.  Apparently it’s not uncommon to itch on the second and third days, and then it stops.  It’s true, that’s what happened when I started, and then I had a day off, and restarted, making today day 2 again, and Itch Day.

Ugh!

Oh well, for the weight loss alone it’s worth it, I’m down nearly 10lbs (5kgs), although that wasn’t the main reason I was doing this, but it is a happy little perk.  Otherwise I’ve been wheat free for over a week and my skin is clearing up again, and this makes me very, very happy.  No wheat means no cramps, migraines, bloating, bad skin.  Very happy news.

I have finished all my Lemonade for the day though, and I’m still a little hungry, but I’m going to have a cup of tea and drink some water, and then go to bed.

But, before I go…  Birthday Wishes need to be issued.

Happy Birthday to Brad and Matt, both have birthdays today.  Hope you had a great day.

In other news…  Hugs go out to Jeff, sorry it was such a crappy day.

Day 6 Master Cleanse – A Reboot

I’m well and truly back on the wagon today, and totally behaving myself, so the cleanse continues after yesterdays hiatus.  I’m undecided yet whether I want to add an additional day to the end of the original 10 days to make up for it.  But I’m not so worked up over it that I’m strung out.

Otherwise today has been pretty easy.  The Saltwater Flush as per every day so far has been hideously disgusting to drink, but it does it’s job.

So I’ve survived today, and tomorrow makes it a week.

The changes to date have made it worthwhile.  One tshirt in particular, that I used to stretch the minute I took it out of the dryer and before I put it on, I can now wear comfortably sans stretching.  This is a good thing, it’s also a combination of all the Pilates and the cleanse.

I have to say though with all the core work I’ve been doing, I’m a little more driven to shed the weight and just see what sort of muscle is below the insulation.  It also hasn’t escaped my notice that I plan on diving into Lake Samammish on New Years Day.  The Polar Plunge.  I didn’t quite think it through too far when I decided to lose weight before doing this.  It’s the one time that the layer of fat, my “walrus insulation” would come in handy.  But I’m going to just tough it out in favour of a smaller waist line.

The ongoing weight battle continues.  Joy and rapture!

Day 5 – Master Cleanse, and a Fall From the Wagon

So far everything has been going fine with my detox.  Today was Day 5.  It was also one of the most active days that I’ve had so far.  Pilates and Yard work…  Hard enough that my “filling” 700 calories of lemonade weren’t enough. 

I had a low blood sugar moment yesterday as well.  Low enough that my vision became affected and I was light sensitive.  A little sugar helped that along.

Today was much the same, so I ate something.  I’m all for detoxification, but not so much am I supporter for passing out in my backyard.

So I’ve had a little setback, but back on the wagon tomorrow.  Even though I’ve had a setback, I still have to do todays Salt Water Flush.

So I’m fairly sure anything additional I’ve put in my system today will soon be gone…

Day 11 can’t come soon enough at this stage!

Day 4 – Mastering the Master Cleanse

Mastering?  I wish, but I’m still persevering with it.

My third day wasn’t exactly perfect.  I was hungry, really hungry.  So I cheated a little…

I’ve calculated that I’m currently on roughly 600-700 calories a day with the lemonade drink, a level which is at least 2/3’s lower than what my dietician had me on back in 2007 when I was following the 20/20 plan.  But, this is a detox, so I acknowledge that while extreme, it’s appropriate to the mission.  My body disagrees though.

So, as I said.  I cheated.  During the day, a very long day, as I was awake for over 19 hours, I ate some food.  2 low fat mozzarella cheese sticks, a protein bar, and a few small pieces of chicken, and because we were out late last night, seeing Kevin Smith live on stage at the Benaroyal Hall in Seattle; “An Evening with Kevin Smith”, I had a coffee too.  Naughty.  But, I also didn’t drink a whole litre of the lemonade mix, so in my calculations I was really only 200 calories at max over the limit of the detox, AND I’m still down a little over 2lbs (approx 1kg) this morning.

That means that today I have to behave.  Perseverance is the name of the game.  Time to be stoic / stubborn and adhere to the rules.

Which brings me to this moment.  It’s salt water flush time, and I have a large glass of it sitting next to me as I type this, and I’m struggling to psyche myself into a place where I’ll actually drink it.  It’s effects, while not quite immediate, are somewhat explosive, but thorough.  It’s called a flush with good reason.  Flush should be capitalised though…  Salt Water FLUSH.

Well I’m fast getting to the end of this post, and the moment is fast approaching that I’m going to have to suck it up, and drink this drink.  I’ve heard several suggestions for making it easier.

Lick a lemon.  Put the juice of half a lemon in it, drink it slowly over 20 minutes…  Thanks Dean.
Sadly, these don’t work for me.  Especially the drinking slowly part.  Why draw out the torture?  I don’t pull bandaids off slowly, and by comparison, that’s slightly more pleasant.  What does work is drinking it as fast as possible, and stoically reminding myself of the benefits.  Luckily for me, I don’t get nauseous, nor do I gag, but it does take a hell of a lot of will power to maintain that mindset.

So far I’ve been managing to convince myself that I’m drinking Chicken Noodle soup.  Chicken Noodle soup without chicken, and without noodles.  It’s warm and it’s salty, so while I’m really not fooling myself, it does make it a little easier.  Adding lemon juice just makes it salty lemon water…  Gag!   Drinking slowly prolongs the agony, and licking a lemon at the end to remove the taste…  Well that’s just reminiscent of a tequila shot or a margherita so just torturous during a detox, and it really doesn’t clear the after taste.

What does work?  For me, it’s the Chicken Soup analogy, followed by a glass of plain water.  Half of which I use to rinse my mouth of the residual salt, and the other half I drink.   Then I wait for the first rumblings…  Rumblings which send me to the bathroom, quite a few times.  Like I said, it’s a FLUSH.

I’m undecided at this point whether it’s the low calorie portion of the detox that’s causing my weight to decrease so rapidly, or whether it’s the running back and forth from the bathroom.  Quite probably, it’s a combination of both.  Low calories, and high activity…

Alright, I’ve stalled long enough.  Time to post this entry for the day, and drink this large, tepid, salty glass of water.  Blargh, I’m really not feeling it at all this morning.

BUT.  The benefits so far really are outwaying the unpleasant start to the morning.

Oh, one pleasant part, once the FLUSH is complete for the day, you really do feel better.  Literally cleansed.  So at least that’s something positive to hang onto.  Although it could just be relief that that portion of the morning is over.

But I’m committed, it’s Day 4, nearly half way, and I’m too stubborn to quit now…

See ya, and if you’re considering doing the cleanse yourself, go for it.  It’s only 10 days of your life, but it does require willpower…

Cya!

Day 3 – Still Hangin’ In

Well I’m three quarters of the way through Day 3, and so far it’s been the hardest day of the three.  I’ve been feeling hungry on and off, and this morning was inexplicably itchy all over.  Enough that I decided to take an antihistamine.

I have to confess, I’ve cheated a little.  I’ve eaten a low fat Mozzarella cheese stick.  It’s against the rules, but the protein seemed to nip the hunger pangs in the bud.

Otherwise, I’m surviving.  Truly, the toughest part of this cleanse is other people eating around me, and having to turn down dinner invites.

Oh well, it’s not without purpose.  3 days down (nearly) one week to go!

Day 2 – Master Cleanse Detox

Yesterday’s blog entry may have been a little more dramatic than required.

Firstly, my first day of de-tox went really easily.

Most importantly, I didn’t fart.  Not even once.  Admittedly I was also kind of scared of any potential follow through – lol.

What I will tell you though is that the salt water flush does exactly what it says.  It flushes.

Oh. My. God!  Apologies in advance for the gross imagery.  But if you can imagine what it’s like to have a mouthful of water, then you purse your lips and squeeze it out as hard and as far as you can.  It’s just like that.  Only repeatedly until there’s nothing left.

Otherwise, existing on the “spicy lemonade” portion of the diet for the whole day was relatively easy.  But, I’ve also detoxed before so I made sure that I was quiet, and resting most of the day.  I only struggled a little in the evening when it was time to bowl.

I didn’t bowl my best, and I was a little listless.

As for today.  I weighed myself first thing, and taking into account that I’m fully aware any weight change is purely fluid.  I’m down 4lbs (approx. 2kgs) since yesterday.  I don’t feel bloated, and my gym shirt feels more comfortable.

Now I recognise that’s an extreme difference, but I am also taking into account that I have a wheat allergy, and the last few weeks have been pretty wheat heavy, and aside from the itching, excema, sneezing, migraines etc that come with my ingesting wheat, there’s also bloating, a whole lot of it.

So today I’m down in weight, feeling decidedly headachey, but taking it easy.  For the moment anyway.  I’m supposed to be having breakfast with a friend this morning, hot water I’m thinking, then playing a game of racquetball.

We’ll see how things pan out.

As I type this though I’m waiting for the Salt Flush of Day 2 to work it’s way through my system.  Which based on yesterdays events it could hit me at any given moment.

Here we go….

***Update

While typing this entry the phones all started ringing.  Suddenly my presence is required, and unfortunately/frighteningly, in locations outside of the house…
I’ve just drunk the saltwater.  God help me!

Detox Day 1 – Welcome to Hell

Well this morning is the start of what should be a 10 day de-tox.  Through recommendation and research I chose to do the Master Cleanse De-Tox, also known as The Master Cleanse Diet, or the Lemonade Diet.

From what I’ve heard, seen and read it’s quite a stringent process, but results are amazing, and as I’m at a place where I want to kick start my fitness and diet again after more than 12 months hiatus, I figured this would a good place to start.

So this morning is where it all begins.

For the next 10 days I’ll be on a purely liquid diet, consisting of copious amounts of water, something I’d kill for right now but I’ll explain why in a moment.  Grade B Maple Syrup, Freshly squeezed lemon juice and cayenne pepper.

Oh, now for the fun parts.  As part of the “flushing” process, and due in some part to the low levels of solid matter and fibre, I have to consume a laxative tea.  The irony of the purchase didn’t escape me.  It’s called Smooth Move, and is a nutty chocolate flavour.  A description that instantly reminded me of the stool sample scene in Austin Powers – ugh!
The other part is a daily salt water flush.  This is the part I’ve heard about, the part that everyone dreads, and as of 10 minutes ago I drank my first one.

The saltwater flush is 1 litre of lukewarm water with 2 teaspoons or 1 tablespoon of non-iodised salt.   I thought it’d be easy, I’d convinced myself it would be.
Then I started drinking it.  The first few mouthfuls were easy, and I made sure they were BIG mouthfuls to speed the process along.  Then I tried to convince myself that it was a salty chicken noodle broth, without the noodles.  That worked for a couple more mouthfuls.

Then I stalled.

Fortunately, I’d read that someone else found that if they stood in front of a mirror to drink it as a personal challenge, they could get it done.  So I tried that.  I’m not so sure it made it any easier, but I did get it down.

Now it gets really fun.  The instructions warn, that since the ingestion of a large amount of liquid saline which is of a similar gravity to your own body, that there’s nothing there for you to digest.  Which only means that within 15-60 minutes it’s all going to be expelled.

Perhaps I’m being negative, but I’ve already ensured there’s plenty of toilet paper in place.  I also took heed of the warning from someone else who’s already experienced this flush, and that is:  DO NOT FART! 

LOL!  The follow up warning was, that regardless of how much you think it may just be gas, you’re very likely to need a change of underwear if you don’t heed the warning.

It all sounded like a brilliant plan up until now.  It’s been perhaps 10 minutes and I can already feel a slight gurgling going on, and all Iwant to do is drink some more water to take away the salty after taste of the initial flush.  But there’s no more room in my body (at the moment) for more liquid.

Providing I survive this first morning and the salt flush, I still have to make up the Lemonade for the day.  A spicy lemonade containing spring / filtered water, maple syrup, lemon juice and cayenne pepper.

Right now though, I’m going to sit down for a little while, try not to think about salt water, and most positively, NOT FART!

Welcome to the new adventure into crazy that is my life.  Too much free time, and I start to experiment.  I’m even considering botox, not for vanity reasons, I just want to try it.  The idea of parylising part of ones face just intrigues me.

See?  Too much free time!