New Oxford English Dictionary definitions

15 07 2008

They’re not really new.  I was going through my HUGE back log of un-addressed emails and found this one, and since I”m partial to sharing the occasional “funny”, I figured what better use that to transfer it across from email to Breadcrumbs…

So here it is.  My blog post cop out.  I thought it humorous if slightly incorrect, which is probably why I found it funny.


AEROPLANE BLONDE – One who has bleached/dyed her hair but still has a ‘black box’.

AUSSIE KISS – Similar to a French Kiss, but given down under.

BEER COAT – The invisible but warm coat worn when walking home after a night out at 3am in the morning.

BEER COMPASS – The invisible device that ensures your safe arrival home after a night out, even though you’re too drunk to remember where you live, how you got here, and where you’ve come from.

BREAKING THE SEAL – Your first pee in the pub, usually after 2 hours of drinking. After breaking the seal of your bladder, repeat visits to the toilet will be required very 10 or 15 minutes for the rest of the night.

BRITNEY SPEARS – Modern Slang for ‘beers’, e. g. "Couple of Britney’s please, Doreen".

DRINK-LINK – A modern term for a cash point machine (ATM). Named so because it is common to visit one before going out on the booze.

SSSSSSSSSSHHHHIIIIIIIIIIIITTTTTTTTTTTTT – The sound made when driving through too narrow a gap at too high a speed.

GREYHOUND – A very short skirt, only an inch from the hare.

MONKEY BATH – A bath so hot, that when lowering yourself in, you go: "Oo! Oo! Oo! Aa!Aa!Aa!".

SPANNER WATER – Water so cold it tightens your nuts.

MYSTERY BUS – The bus that arrives at the pub on Friday night while you’re in the toilet after your 10th pint, and whisks away all the unattractive people so the pub is suddenly packed with stunners when you come back in.

MYSTERY TAXI – The taxi that arrives at your place on Saturday morning before you wake up, whisks away the stunner you slept with,and leaves a minger in your bed instead.

PICASSO BUM – A woman whose knickers are too small for her, so she looks like she’s got four buttocks. (Also Picasso Boobs)

SALAD DODGER – An excellent phrase for an overweight person.

SWAMP-DONKEY – A deeply unattractive woman, normally left by the Mystery Taxi.

TART FUEL – Bottled Alcopops, e.g. Hooch, Breezers,Cruisers- regularly consumed by young women.